I’ve been spending a lot of time online the past few days. Like you, I’ve been looking for answers, comfort, reassurances. I’ve found very few real answers or reassurances, but plenty of comfort and wisdom – particularly from middle-aged and older women who have already been through so much in their lifetimes.

There truly are an incredible number of amazing humans out there. We are not alone in this struggle; nor have we ever been. It is our past for women, people of color, Native Americans, and marginalized people in the United States, and it remains all around us worldwide. While for many of us, we have been able to enjoy a democracy for all of our lives and probably have taken it for granted, most in the world have never experienced it.

Online and in my community, I’ve seen lots of panic and fear and despair, and plenty of scenarios being played out in people’s heads that if they all come true, I certainly wouldn’t want to be in this country or on this earth anymore, either. Scary-ass shit.

So let’s take some moments and breathe, and remember how we operate as humans, especially in this very digital age.

During times of great crises and small, humans tend to be incredibly uncomfortable with uncertainty, the unknown, being in limbo. Not knowing the end of the story. So we try to fill in the gaps and blanks in order to steady or brace ourselves for what may be coming. So we are not surprised.

We garner these answers by looking at the past, at U.S. and global women’s history, at our racial divide, at how the powerful have tended to treat the “other,” how the not powerful have treated the “other” to feel more powerful, and the trending political landscape the last several years. We look to what has happened in other countries with authoritarian leaders – Hitler’s Germany, many nations in Latin America, and on. We see Russia, China, Hungary.

We think of our sisters in Afghanistan, where just recently the Taliban disallowed women from even hearing other women’s voices in public. Can you imagine? I can hardly stand to think about the torture of that. They are truly being disappeared.

We also remember the many dystopian books we’ve read and movies and shows we’ve watched, including A Handmaid’s Tale. We bathe in fear-mongering from social, political, and news commentators. Endless miles of frightening social media posts are shoved down our throats each week, with our permission. And we hear the worry in Facebook groups and from friends, neighbors, family.

I am NOT saying that things aren’t bad, or that things aren’t going to get worse. What I am saying is let’s be careful about what we fill those gaps and blanks with. Because we really don’t know exactly what’s going to happen. And if someone tells you they do know with absolute certainty, don’t believe them. Scroll on. Turn off your screen. Go outside in nature. Play a game with your children or grandchildren. Bake the best cookies you’ve ever made. Fix your car. Plant a tree. Teach your dog a new trick.

Because no one knows 100 percent; you don’t know for sure; and I don’t know.

Our history is not written. So don’t write it now. Please.

It’s been a week since the election, and many of us sexual assault survivors are emerging or have emerged from the shock, freeze and grief, and are set for some action. What to do? Well, right now is still about self-care and steadying ourselves, but for many who are ready it’s about learning, organizing and finding good leaders for our movement to champion women. And to assert our right for power, autonomy and rights as human beings. And to demand leadership that prioritizes the rights of all people, and that leadership with integrity be the standard.

It is about concentrating our messages on what we do want and demand, rather than on what we don’t want. Trying to fill in the blanks with every worst-case scenario possible can somehow feel like a comfort – the comfort of knowing “something” — but it can also produce self-fulfilling prophecies. It can produce a playbook for others and for ourselves. And it can immobilize and freeze us – putting us in a perfect position for being more controlled.

People without hope have trouble taking action.

So as we emerge from processing the past week, let’s instead focus on WHAT WE DO WANT and WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN.

This must be our messaging.

Because our history is not written.

Don’t fill in the blanks.

Let’s not roll over. Let’s get to work, if you are ready.

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Wishing you love, peace and sparks of joy wherever you are on your healing journey. It is my wish with all that I do and all that I write about for you to know that you are not alone. 

Warmly,

Dianne